Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Warning, Warning

Warning, this post is full of self pity, self doubt, and down right depressing....which is how I feel right now. Over the course of the past several weeks, Connor's behavior has gotten worse (or at least this is how is appears to me, but it could be because I am so focused on it). His teacher sent home a note saying that the kids don't want to play with him because he can't share and yells at them. He won't listen and continues to throw temper tantrums if he doesn't get his own way. My husband tells me I am being too soft. The PT tells me that she wants to put him on the list for OT because she changed up things today and out came the nasty child he can be.

Why is this happening? I know I was not always a happy child, am I doomed to have an unhappy child? The PT and teacher have said that it is like a war going on inside of him. How do I help him? What did I do? I want him to have friends. I don't want him to be like me; I have/had so few and now I feel like it is too late for me. I don't want him to go through the loneliness that I face almost daily. Everyone told me that when I had kids I would connect with lots of other parents, but meeting people and interacting with them is still elusive to me. It is not something I do well. I am pretty conservative and shy, but of course having been told before, that I come across as an "Ice Queen".

As I sit here and try to sort out my feelings, the tears are just falling. What can I do? How do I prevent my child from becoming that kid that everyone makes fun of? I have been that child and is sucks!! I cry because I don't want him to go through life with a black cloud. I want him to be happy and don't know how to help him achieve that. He does have play dates with a couple of friends and I have NEVER seen this type of behavior with them. I can't help but feel that part of it is the playing with the two older children next door who tend to boss him around and that somehow this is a little rebellion...I don't know, hell, I don't know anything I can't even make friends, how do I help my kids make friends.

I guess I also should clarify, the "friends" I am using here are the ones that you would do anything for...very close friends. I know some of you are going to read this and say "But I was her friend"...I know you are, but, crap how to say this, acquaintance friends...we don't usually hang out unless there is a function we attend together. I am talking about the type of really good friend that you call up everyday type of friend....God, I hope I haven't just lost what few people who still like me...sh--!!

I think I am going to end now and hope that you will still talk to me next time you see me...sigh...more tears...crap


  1. Connor sounds a little like my Jacob. Jacob is now on meds for ADHD and as long as the meds are in his system the outbursts and anger are controlled. Off meds, he has the hardest time with life. He struggles with friends too but the medications have helped. Here is a hug from Oregon.

  2. And a hug from Arizona as well. I know how you feel as far as you goes anyways. I have been lucky and have two kids that want to be out there in the action. I on the other hand am very reserved and have a hard time letting people in. I too have alot of the aquaintance friends and no true friends. My mom is pretty much my best friend and I would really like to add to the good friends department. I am hoping that once we get back up there and settled I will be able to at least make an attempt. I hope that Connor starts behaving and you guys can get everything worked out. best of luck to you.

    P.S. I hope you dont mind that I stopped over here :)

  3. Hannah,
    I hope you were not offended by my first comment. I am in no way trying to diagnose your son. I just know how frustrating it is to raise a child who is so difficult and makes me question my parenting on a daily basis. I tried medications with Jacob with major reservations. I was so mad that the Dr and school even wanted me to try. But as I said, now that he is on them, I can not argue with the results. Good luck and here is another hug!

  4. Hannah,
    I don't have any advice on Connor. But I do send you all my love and hugs. And just for the record, I consider you my "real" friend not just an acquaintance. Hang in there.