Thursday, February 13, 2014 did January Go???

That is a question that I am trying to honestly answer.  When I break down the different parts this is what I get:

Fairly decent.  I would not say that my eating has been perfect by any means.  I am still working on drinking enough water and trying not to stress eat as the auction draws closer.

I can't say that I have been to the gym all that much.  I am continuing to work out with my trainer, but getting their on my own has been difficult.  Again, the auction is almost here and people are placing a lot of demands on my time to get ready.

If I am 100% honest, I am having trouble here.  If you have ready my last post about the Navy Commander you would probably know that I was shaken to the core and very, very, very angry at both this person and myself.  Myself for letting it get to me and thinking that in anyway he was correct. It was actions unbecoming of an officer.  Anyway I think the hardest time I am having was that I went to a private group and asked for a pep talk from people there.  The response I got was that I was completely wrong for thinking this person was out of line, that people have bad days and it was o.k. that he reacted like this.  After four different people told me that I didn't have a right to be angry I deleted my post.  The fact is that I still think I have a right to be mad.  I don't think that my feelings were invalid.  I am actually really hurt that this community of people who are supposed to be supportive were anything but.  It really made me question if I wanted to continue on my journey. 

Self esteem is something I have struggled with my entire life.  I was never the popular kid in school, I take a while to open up, but when you are in my inner circle you are almost there for life.  I worked very hard through high school to get good grades.  I worked my way through college most semesters while studying Mechanical Engineering at Purdue.  I know I am smart.  Getting married and moving to Seattle was tough, I have no family out here.  I got my first job and got my first taste of discrimination and unequal work assignments.  I got transferred from job site into the office with out a reason.  I was given very little guidance in how to do my office estimation job, then fired because I didn't know how to do it.  My son was stillborn at 22 weeks.  My second pregnancy was 16 weeks of complete bed-rest and 11 weeks of partial.  Yes, I struggle with self esteem issues and depression.

I am getting back on track.  The "Commander" can kiss my ass!  I have not been as active on the private group.  I have not left, but I am very selective about what I answer and/or say now....which to me seems not as authentic but.....

I recently read a blog post about this dad's experience observing another dad in Costco.  You can find the article here if you haven't read it.  It is old, from 2010, but the facts still remain that this is the time that shapes my kids and I need to be present to help them grow and not allow TV, X-box, or video games teach them.  I am trying.  Maybe I need to close my laptop between the hours of 6 and 8 pm?

Action items for the remainder of February:
1.  Drink 6 glasses of water a day
2. Track what I eat at least 4 out of 7 days
3. Work out twice a week
4.  Try a new group work out class that I haven't tried before.
5. Once a week take a 1 hour mental (aka me) time break - read a book
6. Have a friend "date" once a month - coffee, MNO, craft night., etc.